46% of you (actually 46% of all workers according to Workworries.com ) spend more than an hour complaining or listening to others complain about difficult people in an average day.
An hour a day?
Ok... so you may not fit in the 46%, but if you spend more than a few moments a day in this behavior, read on.
Here are some questions for you:
How productive is this time spent in complaining?
How much of the other person's behavior is in our control? (ummm, not much - only our response to their behavior)
How productive is the time spent in listening to others talk about difficult people? (maybe a little in terms of building a relationship, but there are other ways to do that!)
How can we make this productive time?
... Understanding their side of the story
... Learning something about what you might do differently time?
... Learning about how you can avoid these situations? (what is in your control)
...Analyzing how many of the these difficult people are truly difficult
...Analyzing what people they are... co-workers? Customers/Clients?
I know sometimes we need to let off a bit of steam. I'm not saying you should never talk about or listen to others talk about difficult behaviors. What I am saying is that if you are going to spend that time, you can make it productive for you and others.
I guarantee if you use the questions above, you spend far less time and make the time you do spend, much more productive.
You'll feel better, you'll respond better (the next time), and you'll be better.
- and -
I just gave you back an hour a day.
Congratulations.
Oh, one more question - how are you going to spend that hour?
Thursday, April 13, 2006
Sunday, April 9, 2006
Secrets of a Great Handshake
Yesterday my family and I attended Spring Fest at Purdue University, my alma mater. One of the activities took place in a classroom where I had several classes, including Dr. Dave Downey's Principles of Agri-Selling. One of the many things we learned in that class was about the importance of, and how to give a good handshake.
I didn't think about the handshake part until I was reading my email last evening. An American colleague who has now been living and teaching in Japan for some time emailed me and part of the email reads:
Next week is the beginning of the school year - and I really want to get my new students off to the best possible start. Would you be willing to share your thoughts on how to give a really great handshake? I have been away from the U.S. for so long, and have few opportunities to practice (though my bowing has gotten really good :))
I thought about it last night - the synchronicity of thinking about that class and then receiving this email, and the importance of the question.
I remember thinking at the time of the class over 20 years ago that everyone should know how to do a good handshake, but I quickly remembered from experience that clearly wasn't the case. Add good handshakes to the very long list of things I learned from my Dad.
In much of the world, the handshake is a part of the first impression that we make. People think about first impressions from a grooming and dress standpoint, in business situations they practice what they might say, and they often read books to learn what kinds of questions to ask to remain authentic and create a positive first impression.
And while all of that is important, it is the handshake, often overlooked and forgotten, that is the first physical information others receive about us at the early part of a relationship.
In other words, handshakes matter.
And a strong one can make a big difference.
With that preamble, let me share with you my secrets for a great handshake.
1. Start with eye contact and a smile. A great handshake isn't just about a physical gesture, it is about connecting with the other person. It is a greeting and you want the other person to feel that you are pleased to be greeting them. The best way to do that is with your face and your eyes.
2. Go for the thumb. Keep your hand open and make sure your handshake will be a hand shake not a finger or palm shake. This means getting the joint of your thumb (the lower joint - the tissue between your thumb to your forefinger) nestled into the joint of their thumb. This allows you to truly have a full hand shake.
3. Firm, not strong. A good handshake is firm but not overpowering. It isn't the precursor to a wrestling match. Always make your grip firm, but make adjustments based on the firmness of the other person's grip.
4. Up and down, not back and forth. A good handshake has a nice up and down motion, not a back and forth one, as if you were jointly trying to saw some wood. Again, adjust the motion to what seems natural and comfortable to the other person.
5. Adjust duration. Some people prefer a long handshake, others prefer them much shorter. Observe the other person and adjust the duration to the situation, how well you know the person, and what seems comfortable to them.
6. Consider your left hand. While it may not be appropriate in some cultures, I often use my other hand to grasp the other side of the person's hand or to touch their arm. This gesture makes the handshake seem warmer and more personal. When I am trying to convey that, I include my left hand. You might consider doing that too.
7. Close with eye contact and a smile. If the smile and eye contact hasn't continued throughout the handshake, finish it out that way.
As a leader or a person responsible for interacting with Customers in any way, the value of this skill is obvious. The fact is though that having a great handshake is a life skill we should all cultivate. It matters to us in creating first impressions and in building relationships.
Thanks to Teresa for asking me the question.
I didn't think about the handshake part until I was reading my email last evening. An American colleague who has now been living and teaching in Japan for some time emailed me and part of the email reads:
Next week is the beginning of the school year - and I really want to get my new students off to the best possible start. Would you be willing to share your thoughts on how to give a really great handshake? I have been away from the U.S. for so long, and have few opportunities to practice (though my bowing has gotten really good :))
I thought about it last night - the synchronicity of thinking about that class and then receiving this email, and the importance of the question.
I remember thinking at the time of the class over 20 years ago that everyone should know how to do a good handshake, but I quickly remembered from experience that clearly wasn't the case. Add good handshakes to the very long list of things I learned from my Dad.
In much of the world, the handshake is a part of the first impression that we make. People think about first impressions from a grooming and dress standpoint, in business situations they practice what they might say, and they often read books to learn what kinds of questions to ask to remain authentic and create a positive first impression.
And while all of that is important, it is the handshake, often overlooked and forgotten, that is the first physical information others receive about us at the early part of a relationship.
In other words, handshakes matter.
And a strong one can make a big difference.
With that preamble, let me share with you my secrets for a great handshake.
1. Start with eye contact and a smile. A great handshake isn't just about a physical gesture, it is about connecting with the other person. It is a greeting and you want the other person to feel that you are pleased to be greeting them. The best way to do that is with your face and your eyes.
2. Go for the thumb. Keep your hand open and make sure your handshake will be a hand shake not a finger or palm shake. This means getting the joint of your thumb (the lower joint - the tissue between your thumb to your forefinger) nestled into the joint of their thumb. This allows you to truly have a full hand shake.
3. Firm, not strong. A good handshake is firm but not overpowering. It isn't the precursor to a wrestling match. Always make your grip firm, but make adjustments based on the firmness of the other person's grip.
4. Up and down, not back and forth. A good handshake has a nice up and down motion, not a back and forth one, as if you were jointly trying to saw some wood. Again, adjust the motion to what seems natural and comfortable to the other person.
5. Adjust duration. Some people prefer a long handshake, others prefer them much shorter. Observe the other person and adjust the duration to the situation, how well you know the person, and what seems comfortable to them.
6. Consider your left hand. While it may not be appropriate in some cultures, I often use my other hand to grasp the other side of the person's hand or to touch their arm. This gesture makes the handshake seem warmer and more personal. When I am trying to convey that, I include my left hand. You might consider doing that too.
7. Close with eye contact and a smile. If the smile and eye contact hasn't continued throughout the handshake, finish it out that way.
As a leader or a person responsible for interacting with Customers in any way, the value of this skill is obvious. The fact is though that having a great handshake is a life skill we should all cultivate. It matters to us in creating first impressions and in building relationships.
Thanks to Teresa for asking me the question.
Thursday, April 6, 2006
How Hard Do You Practice?
The Indianapolis Star featured articles leading up to last weekend's Final Four activities in town about some Indiana basketball legends. I read the articles about both Oscar Robertson and Larry Bird. But it is something in the Larry Bird article that I can't get out of my head. More specifically, one quote:
"I used to shoot a lot of free throws," he said. "I wouldn't leave until I made a hundred in a row. When I went to the line in the pros, I'd just remember the feeling of the ball coming off my fingers. I'd never go up there thinking, 'Oh, I'm going to miss this.' I'd just go back to being on the court in the summer and shooting all those free throws, and trying to remember the rhythm."
Larry Bird was named one the 50 greatest NBA players a few years ago, and if they looked at that list of 50 players, most fans would say that Larry Bird came the closest to maximizing his potential.
I have read many times about how competitive he was and how much he practiced. But that one phrase speaks volumes.
Most people would be satisfied with their progress if they shot 100 free throws day. They would likely be pleased if they made ten in a row.
Bird shot until he made 100 in a row.
So if he missed #98, he started over.
The next time you are working on your coaching skills, perfecting your Customer Service skills, working on being a better team player or rehearsing an important training session, think about Larry Bird.
How many times are you practicing? How prepared are you?
"I used to shoot a lot of free throws," he said. "I wouldn't leave until I made a hundred in a row. When I went to the line in the pros, I'd just remember the feeling of the ball coming off my fingers. I'd never go up there thinking, 'Oh, I'm going to miss this.' I'd just go back to being on the court in the summer and shooting all those free throws, and trying to remember the rhythm."
Larry Bird was named one the 50 greatest NBA players a few years ago, and if they looked at that list of 50 players, most fans would say that Larry Bird came the closest to maximizing his potential.
I have read many times about how competitive he was and how much he practiced. But that one phrase speaks volumes.
Most people would be satisfied with their progress if they shot 100 free throws day. They would likely be pleased if they made ten in a row.
Bird shot until he made 100 in a row.
So if he missed #98, he started over.
The next time you are working on your coaching skills, perfecting your Customer Service skills, working on being a better team player or rehearsing an important training session, think about Larry Bird.
How many times are you practicing? How prepared are you?
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
An Economic Case for Happiness
I've written about happiness before (here and here), but after reading a post from Kevin Kelly Unlimited, I had to share it.
In his post titled A Happy source of income!, he relates research that looked at thousands of college students in the 70's and the 90's. When taking out the influences of other factors, the research found that those found to be more cheerful were also making $15,000/year.
That is $60 more dollars a work day, assuming two weeks vacation.
Interestingly, many people might say they would be happier with $60 more each day. I guess they've got it backwards.
Get happy and the rewards may come. Don't wait for the rewards to get happy.
We can all choose happiness. We'll be better co-workers and teammates. We'll be more productive. We'll be better leaders. We'll serve Customers better. We'll have better relationships. We'll be healthier. And apparently, we'll be richer too.
In his post titled A Happy source of income!, he relates research that looked at thousands of college students in the 70's and the 90's. When taking out the influences of other factors, the research found that those found to be more cheerful were also making $15,000/year.
That is $60 more dollars a work day, assuming two weeks vacation.
Interestingly, many people might say they would be happier with $60 more each day. I guess they've got it backwards.
Get happy and the rewards may come. Don't wait for the rewards to get happy.
We can all choose happiness. We'll be better co-workers and teammates. We'll be more productive. We'll be better leaders. We'll serve Customers better. We'll have better relationships. We'll be healthier. And apparently, we'll be richer too.
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Your Escape Plan
There is so much we can learn from our kids (or kids in general if we don't have any).
Kids are naturally curious . . . which means they tap into their creativity more naturally and are rapid learners. Kids are more spontaneous and tend to find more ways to have more fun more of the time.
We of course were all once kids and so we had all of these capabilities. And everything I read says we still have these capabilities inside us, we have just misplaced the keys. (After all, how valuable is your car without the keys?)
Enter KimandJason.com whose tag line on their home page is: Escape Adulthood. Return to Childhood. If that line doesn't make you smile, there's no need to read on, because you don't get it. But I hope you will, because you need to get it.
Are Kim and Jason suggesting we ignore our adult responsibilities? I don't think so - and neither am I. What they want us to do is attack adultitis. And in their quest to annihilate adultitis, they created a 40 day Escape plan. This plan was designed as a challenge between Kim and Jason (they are married). Each day they created a challenge for themselves to do something to attack adultitis. (One really cool thing is that we as readers can vote with which of them we think did a better job that day based on their blog posts - how cool is that?)
These challenges are all fun and all relevant to all of us - even if on the surface it might not seem that way. How can you apply The Escape Plan?
1. Do it for yourself. Start with today as your day one and Spend at least 15 minutes immersing yourself in a field you know nothing about. (the Day 1 Challenge) . Using my New Learning Game could even be one way to do this challenge!
2. Do it with a partner - challenge each other in much the same way that Kim and Jason did.
3. Do it as a whole work group - and if you can't do one a day, do one a week- and you have a tremendous team-building activity for the rest of the year 52-7 = 45 weeks left, take out a few weeks for holidays and to get started and there you go!
4. Find specific challenges to use with a team or group. Wanting to build the creativity of a group? Find a challenge! Wanting a fresh new icebreaker for your next training session? Adapt one of the challenges.
5. Engage your Customers in these challenges. I won't give you the answer here - I challenge you to find a way to do it!
6. Follow the plan and then share your experiences and challenges with others through conversation, email or a blog. If you are a leader this will help others see you as a learner, a risk-taker and a human - something followers don't always think of their leaders as (unfortunately). If you are a parent, your kids will either think you are crazy, the coolest parent ever, or both (don't worry, they probably already think that - this will just be a confirmation).
Those are just a few ways I have thought of this morning. You will think of more.
My real advice is go to their site and do something.
Remind yourself of your kidhood and you will rediscover a valuable part of yourself that will not only make your life more satisfying and enjoyable, but make you more successful in everything you do.
Thanks to Phil Gerbyshak for pointing me to The Escape Plan and to Kim and Jason for challenging all of us.
Monday, February 13, 2006
Valentine's Day Ideas at Work
Tomorrow is Valentine's Day.
You know, the day of dinners and diamonds. Roses and romance. Chocolate and well, more chocolate!
While there is nothing wrong with those views and customs for Valentine's Day, I want to propose a different view for you today - while you may still have time to do something about it.
Think about the Valentine's Days of your kidhood - those days before hormones. Remember that everyone gave everyone else a Valentine's card (even the people we didn't like)? Remember that while we may have had one person we secretly liked, the day was about everyone?
Fast forward to today. You work in an organization. You may lead others in one way or the other. With that as a context let me tell you three truths about adult Valentine's Days:
1. Some people have a Valentine and this is a great day for them.
2. Some people don't have a Valentine and because of that this is a rotten day for them.
3. All of us loved Valentine's Day as a kid.
So as a leader or part of an organization, how can you put those three facts to work for everyone's benefit?
It starts by re-defining Valentine's Day as being about love and caring, and not about romance. With that new definition, here are five things you can do tomorrow to celebrate Valentine's Day in your workplace.
1. Send your version of Valentine's cards - which could be some left-over Garfield ones from the store, or could be a simple note or red index card with a note of thanks and caring on them.
2. Invite the group to lunch. Let everyone go to lunch together, just for the fun and fellowship of it. You could pay the tab, but you sure don't have to. Just get people together - and use Valentine's Day as the "excuse."
3. Put a heart on everyone's door or cubicle wall and invite everyone to go by and write a note of appreciation to each other on the door. People can sign them or not, and if they don't want to be "caught" encourage them to write their notes on post-it's so they can post them and not spend so long writing in public!
4. Give everyone a bag of candy hearts or carrot sticks if they are more health conscious. Just like in school, it isn't about the size of the gift, it is about the sentiment. The small little bags will guarantee to elicit a smile and raise morale on Valentine's Day.
5. Do a white elephant gift exchange. You can tell everyone about it today - tell people not to buy something but to bring something from home, or even better, something from the workplace that they don't want - and exchange those "gifts" in a short afternoon meeting - there will be laughter and mirth and you will perhaps start a new Valentine's Day office tradition.
One more thing...
About half of you reading this are men and you may feel these ideas won't work for you. My advice? Get over yourself. The reasons for doing this if you are feeling this way are even bigger. Taking this perceived risk of being "mushy" or sentimental may have an even greater impact for both you and those who you share your actions with.
These are by no means the only things you could do - they are just some suggestions to get you started. If you try something else, I'd love to hear about it - so please email me or leave a comment to this post.
Happy Valentine's Day!
You know, the day of dinners and diamonds. Roses and romance. Chocolate and well, more chocolate!
While there is nothing wrong with those views and customs for Valentine's Day, I want to propose a different view for you today - while you may still have time to do something about it.
Think about the Valentine's Days of your kidhood - those days before hormones. Remember that everyone gave everyone else a Valentine's card (even the people we didn't like)? Remember that while we may have had one person we secretly liked, the day was about everyone?
Fast forward to today. You work in an organization. You may lead others in one way or the other. With that as a context let me tell you three truths about adult Valentine's Days:
1. Some people have a Valentine and this is a great day for them.
2. Some people don't have a Valentine and because of that this is a rotten day for them.
3. All of us loved Valentine's Day as a kid.
So as a leader or part of an organization, how can you put those three facts to work for everyone's benefit?
It starts by re-defining Valentine's Day as being about love and caring, and not about romance. With that new definition, here are five things you can do tomorrow to celebrate Valentine's Day in your workplace.
1. Send your version of Valentine's cards - which could be some left-over Garfield ones from the store, or could be a simple note or red index card with a note of thanks and caring on them.
2. Invite the group to lunch. Let everyone go to lunch together, just for the fun and fellowship of it. You could pay the tab, but you sure don't have to. Just get people together - and use Valentine's Day as the "excuse."
3. Put a heart on everyone's door or cubicle wall and invite everyone to go by and write a note of appreciation to each other on the door. People can sign them or not, and if they don't want to be "caught" encourage them to write their notes on post-it's so they can post them and not spend so long writing in public!
4. Give everyone a bag of candy hearts or carrot sticks if they are more health conscious. Just like in school, it isn't about the size of the gift, it is about the sentiment. The small little bags will guarantee to elicit a smile and raise morale on Valentine's Day.
5. Do a white elephant gift exchange. You can tell everyone about it today - tell people not to buy something but to bring something from home, or even better, something from the workplace that they don't want - and exchange those "gifts" in a short afternoon meeting - there will be laughter and mirth and you will perhaps start a new Valentine's Day office tradition.
One more thing...
About half of you reading this are men and you may feel these ideas won't work for you. My advice? Get over yourself. The reasons for doing this if you are feeling this way are even bigger. Taking this perceived risk of being "mushy" or sentimental may have an even greater impact for both you and those who you share your actions with.
These are by no means the only things you could do - they are just some suggestions to get you started. If you try something else, I'd love to hear about it - so please email me or leave a comment to this post.
Happy Valentine's Day!
Sunday, February 5, 2006
Participation Rules
If we are trying to build a better relationship with others, we need their participation.
Want to engage your Customers in your products and services? Get them involved in meaningful ways.
Want to create greater levels of success and productivity as a leader? Involve those you lead more fully.
Want to make the learning you are facilitating more lasting and relevant? Get the learners involved in both the planning and execution of the learning.
Want your team to feel more cohesive? Get everyone more involved.
It is a universal truth that we need to get people participating in actions, activities and decisions if we want greater levels of engagement.
It is because of this truth that I was enamored by a post called "The Next Sims" at B2Day blog.
This post talks about Spore, the next game by the creators of The Sims, that will come out in about a year. While I encourage you to read it for yourself, here is a relevant snippet...
In short, this game will engage participants in the creation of their own characters and worlds, and will allow players to eventually enter the worlds created by other players.
Not only does this participation make sense from the perspective of the players...but from the designers as well - they are now co-creators of the game with the players.
If the game keeps this universal truth of participation in mind, I believe it will be a runaway hit.
Want to engage your Customers in your products and services? Get them involved in meaningful ways.
Want to create greater levels of success and productivity as a leader? Involve those you lead more fully.
Want to make the learning you are facilitating more lasting and relevant? Get the learners involved in both the planning and execution of the learning.
Want your team to feel more cohesive? Get everyone more involved.
It is a universal truth that we need to get people participating in actions, activities and decisions if we want greater levels of engagement.
It is because of this truth that I was enamored by a post called "The Next Sims" at B2Day blog.
This post talks about Spore, the next game by the creators of The Sims, that will come out in about a year. While I encourage you to read it for yourself, here is a relevant snippet...
For the longest time, games have been considered almost a new form of movie, but that ignores the really interesting opportunities we have in games. Games are in a unique position to bring content consumers into the role of creators.
In short, this game will engage participants in the creation of their own characters and worlds, and will allow players to eventually enter the worlds created by other players.
Not only does this participation make sense from the perspective of the players...but from the designers as well - they are now co-creators of the game with the players.
If the game keeps this universal truth of participation in mind, I believe it will be a runaway hit.
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